What's the meaning of a blog?
Its an online diary.
What's a blog for?
It may not be written for an audience. It could be just written as an avenue to vent your whatever frustrations & pen down your thoughts. As for me I write it more for that reason.
Anyway today am feeling rather down. In actual fact, since that day when "that thing" happened I've been feeling this way.
Sometimes things in life just don't seem as beautiful as it appears to the outside world. To the world I may be a very fortunate girl. With ALMOST most of the things that a girl in my situation can't have. And to the people out there I am supposed to be happy. After all, what's there for me to grumble? I am not short of anything in life. My family is not in debt. My family is not having a 2nd World War every single day. What more I can ask for right, some would ask.
But I know deep down inside me I am really not such a happy girl. So many things for me to worry. So many stress I have to face. I can say I am quite miserable. I feel alone at times even when its not as if I don't have friends around me or family members in my house.
Its not as if I am trying to act pathetic here or what. But its true. And I am not sprouting nonsense here.
Recently I've been offered help again regarding something. I know that if that help is successful it may cause a very big change in my life. Probably even to the extent of changing my life for the better. In fact, if this really comes true it is one of my biggest wish come true.
But this time round deep in my heart I hope that this thing does not happen. Even if its gona cost my future.
Am I being rebellious? Or am I taking it out on myself too harshly?
I really don't know.
All I know is that I pray that this help will not be successful. I don't want to be indebted to "him" anymore.
I want to escape.
I feel so miserable. I could die now.